Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize