Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
