Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
