Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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