Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
