I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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