Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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