yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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