He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
