I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
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I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
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I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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