I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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