Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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