Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
