i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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