If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
