suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
