he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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