Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
