If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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