I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
My day in three words: secret purse cake
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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