What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Damn victory sex feels great
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
