I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
