i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
