Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize