Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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