I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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