If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
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