I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Buhtt sex?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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