I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
