He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
