Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
