we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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