One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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