I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
