Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
