...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
