I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
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