Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
