what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
