So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
