...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
