sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
