Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
