please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
No subtext here. People are naked.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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