whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
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I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
The air was thick with penises
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
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also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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