i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Pińatas plus fireworks don't mix well
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
