is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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