I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
