I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Girls should come with a carfax report
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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