i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Randomize
