No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
