I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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