You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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