I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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