The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
