so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
