She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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