There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
