I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
should my penis look like a turkey
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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