Your face is a jimmy john
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
