there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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