Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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