She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
