Girls should come with a carfax report
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I want to fling myself into the sun
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
