I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
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He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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