they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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